The Source of Your Energy
Realizing it isn’t yours to manage
The first motto: Help where you can.
Until I kept getting knocked down —
mentally and physically.
A torn ACL and meniscus.
A snapped collarbone — plate and 8 screws.
There’s a reason “accidents” happen.
It felt like crash after crash.
So I pulled back.
I needed to take what I was learning and build it into something sustainable —
something that wouldn’t keep breaking me in the process.
The motto evolved:
Stay in your lane.
Protect your energy.
Practice what you preach.
I stayed quiet, but present.
Still engaging — just not overextending.
But even that… backfired.
Not physical this time —
but sharp enough to pull me back further.
Until I looked up and realized —
I had removed myself… too well.
Like stuck on an island,
surrounded by a fleet of rescue boats.
But every time I stepped onto one,
I found it was sinking.
So it was time for another shift.
Shaped by time with the monks,
conversations with my Deacon,
and the lessons that keep showing up in my days.
One conversation in particular stuck with me —
I was making the case for protecting my energy…
how I needed to look out for myself,
how certain things were draining me.
I was operating as if my energy was finite —
something I had produced,
something I needed to guard closely.
And the Deacon challenged it:
What if the energy you carry isn’t something you produce —
it’s something that’s been given?
Dang.
He nailed it.
It’s not something I have to generate —
it’s something I stay connected to.
The motto shifted again.
Not fully into a clean line yet —
but something I quickly put into practice.
And I’ve felt it.
Lighter.
More free.
Connecting more — even in the density of certain relationships.
The weight I used to carry —
the pressure of trying to get ahead of the future —
is no more.
When I bring my focus back to the day — and specifically, the moment —
I take the time to reconnect.
To sit with what the moment requires.
I ask for guidance,
the patience to not rush past it,
and the strength to move through it well —
That’s when everything realigns.
Now, let’s keep going —
with a Source that doesn’t run dry.
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